lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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