When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
