I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
