The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found your dick twin last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
