Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
