but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
