someone owes me an orgasm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
