hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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