Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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