areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
