just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
