Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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