No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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