u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
