i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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