i wish my penis had a tongue
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
