Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
