At least make sure they are 18
Why
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
