Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
