cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
