Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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