how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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