I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
