cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
