i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
