I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
