it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
