today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
