I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
