Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
