Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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