im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
