Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
