So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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