I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
