So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
