But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
