evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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