Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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