Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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