Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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