Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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