ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
