We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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