the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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