Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
