he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
