I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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