they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
