He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
