Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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