The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
