My nipple is on Facebook.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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