It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize