dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
