the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
