All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
