I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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