I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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