So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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