So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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