I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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