He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
