I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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