Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Damn victory sex feels great
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
