there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
