but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
