oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
