how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
