how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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