so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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