I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
