OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize