I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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