NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
