She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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