wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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