i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize