How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
