Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
